I will fix everything. I will repair everything that is broken. I will repair the world. I’ll attempt to write something that will transform everyone’s perception so much so that they will no longer be able to see the world the same way again. If I’m successful it will be unthinkable to see our lives the same way again. I’ll transform every relationship, so that it will be unthinkable and impossible to see the world in the same light again. It must be my only goal since everything in the world is completely incapacitated beyond repair. I’ll attempt to write something that will render holy books more ridiculous than they are already. I’ll attempt to record the world the only way I know how. I’m doomed to fail though because the world is beyond repair. I’ll attempt to fix everything that we’ve directly and indirectly broken. I must explore, with clarity, what needs to be fixed and how it should be fixed, with absolute precision. I cannot leave this existence without attempting to explore every avenue from all possible angles. I must go further than any one individual has gone before, even if it takes most of my life; even if the life I have allocated to my attempt is not ENOUGH and the planned repairs remain unfinished. Before I can even attempt this major restoration I must define what it is that we’ve collectively broken. Whatever it is, we must have failed. Every previous attempt must have collapsed. So I will attempt to create something that renders everything that went before not only meaningless and useless but obsolete. I will attempt this not for personal gain but because I’m compelled to, even when I know that I’ve always failed to create or repair anything of any worth. That is a fact. I wouldn’t even be attempting this project had all previous attempts failed. I’m not naïve. I’m aware that my attempt to establish what it is I want to repair will be subjected to the most spectacular futility and waste of time. This is a futility I’m willing and able to carry. To give my project the slimmest chance of success requires definition and knowledge that I don’t possess. It requires time, skill and persistence. To give my project a minute chance of scraping the impenetrable surface I need structure and focus: solitude, complete solitude. It requires sacrifice. I must not be distracted by the unfixable things available to all: materials, frivolous pursuits, companionship. I must have the correct tools. If the correct tools aren’t available I must design them, once I’ve defined what the correct tools are. My attempt will require the most efficient organisation not available anywhere. Probably not even in existence. There isn’t an organisational structure efficient enough to prepare me for my attempt. Once I have defined the objectives of my attempt I must devise an organisational structure that would render previous organisational structures obsolete. I need my health, which means I have to attempt to repair the whole system and structure of biology and chemistry. I may have to reinvent SCIENCE. So much so that it renders previous scientific theories irrational. I must not give up my attempt to repair the world even if all my attempts fail, as I predict they will. I’ll attempt to write the book that rewrites everything that ever was and was going to be, once I am able to define what it is that needs to be defined and repaired. I will attempt to devise a completely innovative understanding of medicine. I will redesign the necessary tools I may need and, if necessary, a whole new language to calculate and assess my chances of success. I’ll attempt the book, or whatever format it needs to be, to right every wrong. I will attempt to rewrite the world. I will sweep it all away. There can be no compromise, distraction or deviation. I must rewrite every law and structure. I must attempt to elevate my existence and my understanding to accommodate the space I require. Nothing must stand in my way. I will attempt to transcend the mind and body in order to occupy a vessel that is abundant enough to allow me to attempt my task. I will rewrite the laws of nature to prepare me for my attempt. Nothing and no-one must divert me from my attempt. I will attempt to write the book, in whatever format it takes, in whatever form I take, that when shared with the world, will repair everything. I will attempt to REVEAL myself. I must attempt it, even though I predict that I won’t complete it. I’ll attempt to redesign and repair existence. Its success will depend on the fact nothing else will exceed it. All I need is courage. Courage and knowledge. Courage and time. Courage and no distractions. My attempt will change and maybe even damage me beyond recognition. Such a change may be horrific. The fear itself is just a distraction. I won’t allow myself to be distracted by weakness. I won’t be distracted by noise. I won’t be distracted and diverted by emotions. Nothing must distract me. Existence must be sanitized and therefore every distraction needs to be decontaminated in order for me to attempt to repair this contaminated existence. I have to see it through even if my ideas, and nature itself, is imperfect and damaged. If I have the slimmest notion that there is a problem that needs to be fixed then I have to see it through, once I can define what tools I need and what new methods and theories need to be devised. I have to attempt this project. I don’t have any other productive alternative. So I’ll attempt to establish what I need and attempt to identify the perfect conditions. The conditions have to be absolutely perfect. If they aren’t perfect I must attempt to redefine or even redesign them. Anything less I must discard and forget. Every previous event was at best a distraction and a deviation from the only goal I’ve ever known: It is I who have been tasked to repair the world. Once the conditions are perfect, once I have rewritten everything in order to lay the foundations, then I will attempt to fix it all. My solitude must be absolute. My health must be unspoiled. My mind must be emptied. I cannot allow critical voices in my head to distract me. I may never even know if I’m successful. It will be the last book that is ever written.

My voice will be the last voice you will ever hear.

Purchase Annihilation by Jason Winstanley